I realize that it’s been awhile since I last posted anything. Sometimes I need time to fully process all the thoughts I’ve been feeling (and trust me, there have been many). Most recently, however, is the storm cloud hovering in the distance, serving as a constant reminder of what is to come. I am on constant edge about most things and I can usually ignore the future until it smacks me in the face. But college is different. College has forced me to think about the future every day of my life, sometimes twice a day, sometimes more. This unhealthy thought process has put a lot unnecessary strain on my relationships, my mental health, and my overall outlook on my life in the present. Logically, I know that no one really has a strict 5-year plan that they follow every step of the way and most people are just trying to get by. I should know better than to obsess over the future when I’m living in such a good and fun and explorative time. Freshman year has been a year of firsts, a year of explorations and meditations about not only myself but the city I live in, the people I choose (and don’t choose) to surround myself with, and the general dynamic of living far away from family in a constantly buzzing city. So why then am I so hung up on the future? Simple, because I’m scared that I won’t always feel this way. I’m scared that the world I’ve gotten to know and love in Boston will eventually change. I’m afraid to lose relationships, go out of my comfort zone, get rejected – I am terrified of the infinite amount of what-if’s the future holds. I also know, however, that the what-if’s are what make life enjoyable, spontaneous, and truly engaging. I know that if I never step outside my comfort zone, I won’t move forward in life. I won’t get any new experiences. I won’t truly live. So, even though I’m writing this whilst feeling anxious about the future, I’m also writing this feeling excited about the future. Once I realize that the future holds an equal amount of positive and negative scenarios (because they are just that, scenarios), I know that I have more power over the situations I put myself in.
I know this has been hastily written but I think the overall message is something that everyone should feel to their core. The future is scary but it’s also exciting. And since nothing is set in stone, there are an infinite amount of exciting opportunities just around the corner. The hardest thing you have to do is take the first step forward.